Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Please, remember me, my misery
and how it lost me all I wanted.

Three things. First, please don't hate me. I know I dipped for a looong time but I am back and I do have time since it's summer and I have no job and no money.
Second, the title of this post seems quite fitting with what I'm going to tell you.
Third, it's a life lesson so buckle down and put your spectacles on, kids. You're about to get taught the best lesson you have ever heard in your existence. By a 17-year-old girl. If you are far too lazy to read my massive story, I have bolded the important stuff. Enjoy.
Let's start off by saying that my life was just a complete mess for the last two years. I got involved with the wrong kids, did mad drugs, smoked til my lungs bled and drank until I puked at least 4 out of 5 days of the week. I dated a moron, got completely screwed over and eventually hit my rock bottom where everyday was a living hell. Getting out of bed before 4 in the afternoon was not an option, going to school was not an option and going a day without getting shitfaced, smoking a pack and a few joints were never an option.
Believe it or not, I am so thankful for all the crap I had to go through because I probably would never appreciate the better things in life. I've replaced all the ones who brought me down with the people who are worth my time and energy. I'm not saying I'm above anyone, but there are people who were just terrible influences on me. I've learned to lead my own life now, and I'm glad. No more peer pressure, because to be completely honest, it's not even worth it. Come on kids, take it from me. It. Is not. Worth. It. 
Boys, friends...well, they come and go. But make sure your family is never too far. For some of you, your friends are your family, and that's cool too. Just keep them close because they are the only ones that will help you. When I hit my rock bottom, my family were the only people left to pick me up. They may not have all the money in the world to support my love of fashion, music, design and whatever else, but they try and they do their best. I talked to my family about what was going on, because for the longest time, they had no idea the actual reason behind my sudden change in personality. I was never the type to smoke, stay out all night and come home puking. They were worried at first, but my teenage angst forced them to leave me and let me hit my low, only for them to be waiting with open arms. I have never had a better relationship with them as I do now.
People, never, ever and I mean EVER go for less than you deserve. Whether you are gay, straight, bi, trans, not settle. I did, and I left the relationship covered in bruises in every way possible. It's taken some time, but I'm slowly recovering. I no longer flinch when people try to hug me, I no longer punch walls because I can't let out my anger and I certainly do not use alcohol or drugs to make myself feel numb. I've come to terms with my stupid mistakes, and there is no hiding from the realization that you were mistreated by someone who claimed to love you. It hurts but you learn, you cope and you get over it. You find someone better. I did and now I can't begin to tell you how amazing he is. It may not be forever, but he helped me get over my fear of trusting people again, and I will be grateful for the rest of my life that he fixed someone like me, with my history and my problems. There is someone out there, but do not base your happiness off of their existence. 
Another thing, be your own person, wear what you want, say what you want (within reason, of course...please refrain from using offensive, discriminatory phrases), think what you want and do what you want because this is your life and you need to enjoy it while you're still here. Nobody is going to remember what you said, what you wore, how much booze you could handle or how much weed you smoked, but they will remember how you lived and how you as a person made them feel. If you want to enjoy life get an education, meet new people, have intelligent conversations and explore. There's nothing more sad than someone who died living in the lines, never experiencing anything for themselves. Just remember that whatever you do WILL have consequences and that is not a threat, that is a promise. 
I know you have probably heard this so many times before, but your education is the only thing that will make your life livable. Nobody is going to be there to take care of you, so be independent. Take care of yourself. Fend for yourself. It gets hard, but you are the only person you can really, truly depend on. I know school sucks, but imagine how much it will pay off in 10 years. Your friends that are there for you now? Chances are they won't be there for you later. You can only hold on to someone for so long, and when you reach different paths, you separate. I lost so many of my friends because I no longer go out and drink my face off, do mad drugs or chain smoke until I'm coughing up my lung. And that's cool, it's their choice. But how long can you do that for before you've dug yourself into a deep hole that you can't get out of and have to work at Burger King for the rest of your life? I realized that and I think that my love and passion for music, art, fashion and everything pretty is too much to waste. I want to make my print on the world. I complained about how messed up the world was for so long, but I didn't realize that I was part of the problem. To make the world better, I want to get an education, get a good job that I love and live comfortably. It's going to be a lot of hard work, but it's worth it in the end because that's the life I've always wanted. I don't have to make hundreds of thousands of dollars, but if I can make enough to live the way I've been dreaming of since I was a kid all the while doing something I adore, I will take every opportunity that arises. And you should too because you are so much better, and worth so much more than what you are going through. If you need a rock, depend on the ones who love you endlessly, the ones who stuck by you through everything. I can honestly say I have my system, and although they may not be here forever, they have impacted me in ways I can't even begin to describe. I have everything I need: an education, a family that loves me, a boy that showed me how I deserve to be treated and friends that understand me like no other.
Oh and one last thing, to all those people who told you that would aren't worth anything, that you will never go anywhere...prove them wrong. There is nothing more humiliating than getting slapped in the face with a university degree by the person you doubted for so long. (:

That's my deep, but short version, of my last two years. It's cool if you didn't read it considering it's a bajillion miles long. But for those of you who did, I appreciate it and I really hope you learned something. I don't want to be a nag, preach...whatever you guys say these days, but I just want to warn you of the consequences of your actions. I'm not an adult, but I can honestly say you are not an adult until you've learned about reality. Quit acting like one and embrace your inner kid before it's too late. Because one day it will be too late. Now listen to these song and sing your heart out. It will make you feel so much better.

Yes, I am still obsessed with Mumford & Sons, and their covers.

Oldie but goodie. ;)

I don't speak French very well but this song is upbeat and I love it. The
English translations make it so much better. I recommend finding them on the
interwebz. :)

Have a good one boys and girls.
Until next time,